Woe to Butterball

I had to post this because I have way too much glee poking fun at the absurd. Here is an article protesting Butterball turkeys because they are halal.


In the article, the author asserts that not labeling Butterball turkeys halal is contributing to the Islamization of America, and that the rest of us unwitting halal-eaters are being subjected to Islamic practices. She insists that turkeys slaughtered according to Islamic halal practices are submitted to torturous methods and religious fanaticism because the slaughterers utter a prayer as they do it. And she claims that other cultures also object to halal food, including Jews, because it violates kosher practice.

So to begin deconstructing the first joke in this theater of the absurd, good heavens, why would I want to poison my family by accidentally serving them turkey using methods that are known to pay stringent attention to cleanliness. Oh the horror. As far as my knowledge of halal goes, it is very similar to the process of koshering. The throat is cut in almost an identical way, which far from being more torturous was known throughout the ancient world as more humane. If one is going to be humane about killing an animal to eat it at all. Which I would. I love meat. I love turkey. Say whatever incantation or prayer you want over it, and then bring it on slathered in butter, and stick it in my oven. I’m a Jew, as I’m sure has been stated half a dozen times. I’m not very good at being Jewish, but mostly I know the rules, I just don’t follow them. And I have to ask, if she has such a problem with halal why doesn’t she have a problem with kosher food, which is so similar, derived, in fact, from the same tenets? Because we label food kosher, and halal meat isn’t always labeled halal according to the article? Except, we don’t label food kosher for non-Jews to select non-kosher food. That label is not for the benefit of non-Jews to avoid being Semiticized. It’s so that Jewish people who want to keep kosher can pick the right turkey or whatever they are eating. Most Jews that I know who are borderline kosher, if they don’t pick kosher food, would pick halal over regular because it’s so clean and carefully regulated.

The second point is, has this woman ever seen turkey farms? They’re not generally known as comfortable places for turkeys. If she has such an objection to the way the halal process kills the birds then hasn’t she been paying any attention to how they’re kept before they get to that point? If torturous methods are what she’s concerned about, it seems like maybe she should just raise her own turkey, or cooperate with a local farmer so she can watch it run around everyday free-range. Or maybe commit to eating tofurky instead. Unless the ‘Islamic’ threat has spread to the point where we have to be careful or vegetarians everywhere will be forced into Islam by secret imams uttering prayers as they shell the soybeans for tofu…

This was by far the most inane example I have seen of anti-Islam hysteria. So I think my next year’s turkey will be Butterball!


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